The Dream

Okay, y’all. I’ve got to write this down because I had the weirdest dream this morning that has nothing to do with anything other than me trying to get a few extra minutes of sleep in between alarms. This dream was so trippy that, in the course of the five minutes in real time that it occupied, I decided that I would rather just wake up than deal with this weird as hell fragment of a dream.

You’ve been warned.

So, my first alarm went off. I begged the universe for thirty more minutes since I had not slept well over night. I closed my eyes and almost instantly saw myself walking down the street with a man. He was sharply dressed as ZZ Top would want. He almost looked like a tall Monopoly guy. Suddenly, he whipped out his umbrella with a hook at the end and stuck it straight into the ground, effectively grabbing on to the number “6” below our feet.

I was rightfully alarmed as just seconds ago, this was an average sidewalk with nothing special about it.

“What?! How did you do that?!” I demanded.

“Why, we’re on a clock, my dear,” he said like it was completely obvious. He whipped out another umbrella and stuck it straight ahead to hook on the number “3”. I took a small step away and saw that we were, in fact, on the face of a clock.

“When did that happen?” I asked, worried about whether or not my walking partner would be freed from his new time-telling position. As if trying to force me away from him in shock, the man’s shirt opened just on his chest as another exact version of his face emerged from his flesh.

“You’re running out of time,” the second head whispered, staring straight at me. I took several steps away until I was out of the clock face. The man was still there, but I was determined not to be stuck near him any longer. As I was backing away, I bumped into someone. I turned around and saw, who else?

Shia LaBeouf.

Just kidding.

It was Zac Efron.

He was in the midst of his throws of passion from the infamous song “Bet On It”. (In case you don’t know what that looks like, please click here.)

Obviously, I joined him in aggressively dancing while trying to make important life decisions. When I missed a step, I woke up.

The dream felt like hours, but it had only lasted five minutes according to my clock.

I thought about trying to go back to sleep, but the prospect of having to golf/dance my way away from the two-headed clock man was too much for me, so I started my day.

I have no idea where the fuck this monstrosity of a dream came from. Please inform me if you laced a drink of mine with LSD or any such substance.

Thank you for your time in my messed up head.

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I’m Sorry

I feel horrible. I’m trying so hard to get my motivation back for this book. It’s been really difficult for me to find any sort of inspiration. It doesn’t help that the my editor’s drafts have gone missing.

I’m going to be honest here, guys. My memory is shit. I tell myself to set aside some writing time, but I lose my inspiration before my hands even touch the keys. It breaks my heart every time I try to put words on the page. Even this is hard for me to word.

I don’t know if this may be a result of being back in school, or if I’m just losing my drive on this story. I’ve been struggling pretty intensely with my depression and anxiety over the last few months, and this might be part of it. I’m tearing up now just thinking about not being able to finish this book, but I’m worried that I might not be able to do it.

Additionally, I’m having the standard self-doubt that comes with any of my writing projects. I read back over some of it to try and pick it back up, and my mind tells me how mediocre it is. Sometimes, I want to delete all the files and just make it go away, but I know I would deeply regret something like that.

I need to find my editor’s drafts. I think my ex might have them. Just thinking about talking to her fills me with anxiety because of everything that happened, though. I have no idea if I’ll ever get them back.

I’m not writing all this to get sympathy or compliments or anything like that. I’m writing this because, I promised to remain open about everything pertaining to this book.

I also promised to finish this. I don’t know when or how, but I want to finish this book so badly. I want to finish the story I’ve been working on for nearly seven years now.

I’m sorry it’s taking so long.

I’m sorry I’m struggling so much to write just a few chapters.

I’m so sorry.

I love you all so much for sticking with me for so long.

Thank you.

Holy Mother of God…

So, I was poking around on Pinterest and ignoring my adult/college responsibilities. As it turns out, there is a something in my life that I have been ignoring for far too long.

MY FREAKING BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really don’t know what’s been going on with me lately. I think life just got in the way, and I haven’t had a chance to get back into the groove of writing. Due to this, unfortunately, it’s been almost a year since my last update on this blog and to y’all that have been looking forward to this.

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Between going back to school, working to keep food on the table, taking on an internship with a wonderful online literary magazine, and dealing with personal stuff, my book has been unceremoniously shoved onto the back-burner. I feel awful for that.

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However, I cannot apologize for going back to school. I needed this. I’m working my ass off, yes. I have no social life, yes. I fell asleep on the bus home and missed my stop today thus having to take a second trip, yes.

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With all of the above being said, I think it’s understandable that I have not had much opportunity to work on my book. Writing is freaking hard. Finding time for writing is absurdly hard. And, with everything I have left in the book, it takes a lot to get in the right mindset in order to write this out. The subject matter is dark, and so I have been struggling to find appropriate times to channel myself into such a dark mindset because it is hard to break myself out once I’ve started.

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Now that I’ve thoroughly bored all of you, I want to make a tentative promise. I want to complete this book more than anything. I want Warren to finally have his story told. Even Ty deserves that, too. I owe it to the both of them for so much inspiration over the years. I’ve gone through so many drafts with the boys, and it all started with a poorly written short chapter I wrote a year before trying to turn it into something else. I want to make a promise to you, my readers, as well as my fictional creations that I WILL finish this book. I have Christmas break coming up and no excuse to not get some work done. I am determined.

I have no idea how long it will take me before I am ready for the next round of editing. I have no idea when I’ll be able to even complete another chapter. However, I want you all to know that I will finish this. I will make it happen.

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But seriously. I will.

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I AM NOT JOKING!!!!!

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OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!!!!!

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I will get this book done. I don’t know when, but I love every one of you who have stayed with me through all of this.

Back to procrastinating my paper due tomorrow.

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Getting There

So, I’m like…totally on social media now!

No, but seriously, I have joined the ranks of having an official Facebook page and Twitter account for my writing. You can join the ranks here and here respectively.

The reason I have created these links to the outside world is because I am, in fact, very close to being done with my book.

So close…

Yet, I am so far.

Now, seeing as I am as close to finishing this project as I have ever been, I am beginning preparations to publish. The easiest way would be to self-publish, so I am examining that route. The journey has begun and soon I will begin deleting the chapters that are currently available on this blog.

Hey! Calm down! It’s okay, I promise. I will continue to post about what is going on with the progress of the publishing. Not to mention, you’ll have an actual BOOK to read instead of clicking all these links and scrolling and whatnot.

Now, there will be some time before the deleting will commence, but you have been warned far in advanced. Read, my pretties, and know that soon you will have the whole story of Warren and his nightmare.

Now, if any of you need me, I will be over here doing writing…things…

Two Announcements

So, as I’m sure you know, I didn’t quite make due on my promise to post a new chapter on my birthday. The wonderful woman in my life decided to throw a surprise party for me that I had no idea about (thus, a very successful surprise indeed with quite a lot of swearing on my part). Since then, I’ve been very busy with life in general whether it be work, looking for work, or avoiding work. Then, whenever I sat down to write, I mostly got nothing other than a few ideas here and there about things that will happen later in the book.

The frustration has been real.

All of that being said, I want to announce two very important things.

The first is that I have an ending.

That’s right. I know how this God-forsaken book is going to end. I was so excited when it hit me that I wanted to exact my rights as an American adult and have a glass of wine in celebration, but I have been informed that driving is not a good place to do that. Instead, I settled for crying to myself in pure joy after I parked and steadfastly ignoring the stares.

Secondly…

(There was a second announcement, and now I’m too stubborn to change the post to reflect the fact that I forgot. Please enjoy these relatively unrelated announcements instead of my original plan.)

I’m seriously considering self-publishing.

There’s a lot of stuff going on in politics right now, am I right?

My cat is healing up wonderfully from her spaying.

I thoroughly believe no one can “win” Monopoly. You just bankrupt people until they rage quit.

I’m getting new glasses that will make me feel even more at one with Hyde from That’s 70’s Show.

Sleep is a wonderful, necessary thing.

Betta fish are awesome to watch.

Life is expensive.

(I still can’t remember, so I’m going to assume that one of these announcements were relevant. If you need me, I’ll be over here typing and getting nowhere.)

A Present

As many of you know, today is my birthday.

Not only that, it’s my 21st.

But, instead of going out and getting completely wasted (like I could afford it…), I have decided that I will get some hardcore writing done today. I’m thinking either late tonight or tomorrow, I will have the new chapter ready to post. It’s been a little while since I’ve been able to take a crack at it, but life is starting to settle down a little (knocks frantically on wood).

All that being said, I will see you all soon with my newest chapter.

(Seriously, wish me luck…)

Taking It Slow

Hi, everyone. So, I am still hard at work with editing and writing for this story. I am determined to keep this going at a steady pace because you (and Warren) deserve closure.

However, my head is a little jumbled thanks to some new medications my doctor has put me on. It’s a bit difficult to concentrate. (In a weird way, it’s giving me a bit of inspiration for another chapter…)

I promise that I will not go a year without posting another chapter, but it might be a little while before the next one goes up, considering it needs a lot of work and my brain is full of a cloudy haze while I’m adjusting.

I love you all for hanging in there with me. I feel like I have so much encouragement to see this through to the end, and it makes me incredibly happy that people care about this story even when I deserted it for so long.

I am making progress with the next chapter, but there is a lot of work to be done. I will post my next chapter as soon as humanly possible. For now, I am off to the editing corner to try and make sense of my gibberish.