I feel horrible. I’m trying so hard to get my motivation back for this book. It’s been really difficult for me to find any sort of inspiration. It doesn’t help that the my editor’s drafts have gone missing.
I’m going to be honest here, guys. My memory is shit. I tell myself to set aside some writing time, but I lose my inspiration before my hands even touch the keys. It breaks my heart every time I try to put words on the page. Even this is hard for me to word.
I don’t know if this may be a result of being back in school, or if I’m just losing my drive on this story. I’ve been struggling pretty intensely with my depression and anxiety over the last few months, and this might be part of it. I’m tearing up now just thinking about not being able to finish this book, but I’m worried that I might not be able to do it.
Additionally, I’m having the standard self-doubt that comes with any of my writing projects. I read back over some of it to try and pick it back up, and my mind tells me how mediocre it is. Sometimes, I want to delete all the files and just make it go away, but I know I would deeply regret something like that.
I need to find my editor’s drafts. I think my ex might have them. Just thinking about talking to her fills me with anxiety because of everything that happened, though. I have no idea if I’ll ever get them back.
I’m not writing all this to get sympathy or compliments or anything like that. I’m writing this because, I promised to remain open about everything pertaining to this book.
I also promised to finish this. I don’t know when or how, but I want to finish this book so badly. I want to finish the story I’ve been working on for nearly seven years now.
I’m sorry it’s taking so long.
I’m sorry I’m struggling so much to write just a few chapters.
I’m so sorry.
I love you all so much for sticking with me for so long.